Ex-Pencils

During a difficult period in my personal life, I believed that traveling might help me leave my sadness behind. But distance did not dissolve the weight I carried. On the last day of my journey, I decided instead to confront it through performance.

In Istanbul, on Istiklal Street — whose name means independence — I sat dressed in black clothing I associated with eroticism. Before me were pencils once given to me by former boyfriends, their shape and function carrying an unmistakable masculine symbolism. I began sharpening them slowly, the act both intimate and destructive, transforming the objects from tokens of past relationships into shavings and points.

The performance unfolded in the flow of the crowd until the police approached and asked me to stop. Before leaving, I handed all the remaining pencils to men in the audience, closing the piece with a gesture that returned the symbol to its source while altering its meaning.